5 Proven Ways to Win People Over


TIME

This article originally appeared on RealSimple.com.

1. Puncture Your Own Ego

sb10066226r-001Sami Sarkis—Getty Images

Years ago, a journalist went undercover at several restaurants—one of them mine (Union Square Cafe)—with the aim of bribing the maître d’s to score a table. In his article, he wrote that my host had taken the cash. I was mortified and wanted to repair the damage. When I knew the writer would be at an upcoming industry function, I prepared myself. When we saw each other, I walked over and slipped him a $50 bill. He joked that he was keeping it, and then we had a great conversation, which ultimately led to a friendship. Getting defensive gets you nowhere with people. Instead, be willing to show humility and, above all, humor.

Danny Meyer is the owner of six restaurants in New York City and the author of Setting the Table.

2. Don’t Be…

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How to Win Every Argument


TIME

So you want to know how to win every argument?

Stop trying.

Not that passivity is the most effective strategy but if you’re thinking about “winning” you’re already headed down the wrong path.

From a neuroscience perspective, “When an argument starts, persuasion stops.”

Via Compelling People: The Hidden Qualities That Make Us Influential:

When an argument starts, persuasion stops. A group of researchers including psychologist Drew Westen conducted a revealing experiment, which Westen wrote about in his book The Political Brain. In the heated election campaign of 2004, the researchers found supporters of presidential candidates George Bush and John Kerry and took MRI pictures of their brains as they watched video footage of their favorite candidate completely contradicting himself. So what happened in people’s brains when they saw information that contradicted their worldview in a charged political environment? As soon as they recognized the video clips as being…

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